Speeches for people who didn't ask to be up there

You've been thinking about this speech for about thirty years. The wedding is in three weeks.

Answer twelve questions about your daughter. Get back a speech that sounds like you on your best day — proud, a bit funny, and finished before anyone checks their watch.

The first time I held Emma, the midwife told me I'd never sleep properly again. Thirty-one years later, she wasn't wrong — these days it's just because Emma rings me at eleven at night to ask how long to cook a chicken.

let it land

She has always known exactly what she wanted. At six, it was a pony. At sixteen, it was the car. At twenty-nine, it was James.

look at them

James — she didn't get the pony. She didn't get the car. Take this as the compliment it clearly is.

Example · card 1 of 50:52 elapsed · 3:40 to go

An example opening, built from three answers: the day she was born, something she's always been like, and how she met James. Good questions in, good speech out.

Why the usual advice doesn't help

Every guide says the same things. Welcome everyone. Thank whoever needs thanking. Tell a story from her childhood. Don't go on too long. All true — and none of it tells you which story, or how to say what you actually feel without your voice going.

The speech that works is the one only you could give: the Saturday mornings, the driving lessons, the phone call the day she got the job. A template doesn't know any of that.

How it works

1

Tell us about her

Twelve questions, about five minutes. What she was like as a little girl, the moment you realised she'd grown up, what you honestly think of the person she's marrying — the printable version.

2

Set the register

Proud and heartfelt through to properly funny. Three, five or seven minutes. Tell us who needs thanking, anyone you'd like to remember who can't be there, and anything to steer clear of.

3

Read it back

A full draft built around your memories, in your voice. Change any of it. Most people rewrite a line or two and keep the rest.

What you get

  • The speechEditable, at the length you asked for, in the tone you chose.
  • The welcome and the thank-yousGuests, the other family, whoever helped — in the right order, so your effort goes into the part about her.
  • Two alternative openingsIn case the first one doesn't sound like you.
  • Cue cardsLaid out to print, in type you can read without your glasses.
  • Pause markersIncluding one just before the line that's going to get you. Everyone has one.
  • A timing estimateSo you find out you're running long now, not halfway through.

Every other tool stops at the text. Getting through it with a steady voice is the hard part.

Price

$29$19

for the first 200 people

One payment. No subscription, no account, no app to download. You're giving one speech, not signing up for a service.

Before you ask

Will it sound like me?

It's built from your answers — your memories and your words for her. Vague answers get a vague speech, so the questions are designed to draw out the specifics.

What about the traditional parts?

The welcome, the other family, the thank-yous and the toast are all built in, in the usual order. You can cut or reorder anything.

What if someone important can't be there?

Tell us, and the speech will mention them briefly and warmly — or not at all, if you'd rather. It's your call.

Can I change it?

All of it. It's a draft to work from, not a script to read off.

What if I'm not the father of the bride?

Best man, maid of honour and the groom's speech are coming too — pick yours above and we'll let you know.

You'll only give this speech once. You've had thirty years of material. Let's get it into five minutes.

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